Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. Be afraid be very afraid. Me I'm staying in the house. Mostly I shall stay in the bed with the cover pulled over my head. For sure I will not use the stove, microwave or any other items that could cause a fire or electrical shock. I'll be certain not to get anywhere near knives, scissors or razors. There is no way you'll find me with open umbrella, using a mirror, ladders, nor within yards of a black cat. Yep I think I'll just stay in bed keeping the floor covered in pillows just in case. Matter of fact I may not even peek out all day.

I'm Kidding. Bad things connected to Friday the 13th is just a silly superstition. It's a funny source of amusement more than anything else.

I do not believe in Luck good or bad in the traditional way. I do believe in random events that can be shaped by actions of self and others ( in that we make our own luck )

I graduated from Moreno Valley High School on a Friday the 13th. In June. That was a great day for me and a surprise to those who knew me I am sure. Friday June thirteenth. Extra points for the reader who figures out which year. I'll leave you a few clues.

• Daylight savings time began earlier that year.
  
• Astronauts set a space endurance record that year
• A new Airport is opened in Paris
• Atlanta - Fulton County Stadium saw a new world record set
• South America got it’s first female head of state.. No not Jungle mom
• We had two Presidents that year, one was from California
  
• Stuntman Evel Knievel was all the rage
• The world heard some Rumbles in the Jungle, specifically around Kinshasa, Zaire
• It was a very important time for Batman

Figure this out and tomorrow could be your lucky day. The winner gets a complementary subscription to my blog. WOW calm down out there.

In a heartbeat it was gone. Lost forever.

While sitting quietly sipping hot chocolate the relaxed holiday truce was shattered in an unprovoked sneak attack. While the damage to our unoccupied snow fort was major, our engineers feel it can be repaired within a few days. Fortune was with us as no vital supplies were compromised.

Surveillance cameras failed to obtain clear photos of the event, however one of our operatives in the field returned this captured photo of the so called Snow-a -saurus upon it's return from the raid.

Clearly this new escalation shows that we can never be too vigilant in our defense. Taking quick action we have moved our HQ and our battle operations center underground at a location known only to senior staff, and milkshake drinking people who detest shopping at Wally World.

In response to the newest threat we are dispatching another in a long line highly technical of top secret snow heaving weapons powered by giant rubber bands and fueled with marshmallows.

Those who dare to attack us are quaking in their dark fake fur lined lairs.

Other historical battles

Havidol

Gottcha

Sing along with these new takes on old caroling favorites:

- Good tidings we bring to you and your kid

- Come, froggy faithful

- You’ll tell Carol, “Be a skunk, I require”

- Sleep in heavenly peas

- Frosty the Snowman is a ferret elf, I say

- Olive, the other reindeer.

- In the meadow we can build a snowman, Then pretend that he is sparse and brown

- You’ll go down in listerine

- Oh, what fun it is to ride with one horse, soap and hay

The snowball war continues....Until NOW !!!

This morning at exactly Twenty-Seven before the hour of Eleven-Fifteen, my mostly brilliant crew of Radio Shack, Circuit City, Best Buy, and or Fry Electronic dwelling far-thinking Techno-speaking pals, gathered together and launched the "Charles Sat 1" into high earth orbit.

"Charles Sat One" is a video surveillance platform ( A SPY SAT) with hunter killer abilities to seek out snow forts anywhere in the civilized world ( soon in California too ) then render them into a giant slush pile.

Here is a highly classified look at the Charles Sat and it's secret weapon.

Snowball throwing people of the world shall now tremble.

Deep Thoughts #11

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they
don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some
good ideas.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if
they ever press charges.


To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no
choreography, and the dancers hit each other.


Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of
striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

Better not take a dog on the space shuttle, because if he sticks his
head out the window when you're coming home his face might get singed.

I have been reading in the news that the government is planning a bailout of the nations lenders.

That is a bailout costing hundreds of billions of dollars. I seem to recall that the United States has not had a spending surplus for many, many years. Our country spends much more than it takes in creating an annual budget deficit. That means we don't have any extra money that isn't already earmarked.

So where are we getting the money we are using for this economic bailout ?

We will have to borrow it.

Yes we borrow the money to save the people who lend us money.

Is this a weird shell game or what ?

This is a total repost... I would have missed it this year but for my friend. Thanks ¡Ludicrious! for reminding me.



Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

That means today is our chance to say Arrrr and wear snappy outfits like Capt. Jack. So today it's time to show you inner swashbuckler

The whole idea of Talk Like A Pirate Day started as a joke between friends in the 90's. Then Dave Barry got involved with a story and it took off from there. Add in the success of the Pirate movies and here we are. With an International Talk Like a Pirate Day (TLAPD).

Ahoy mates, hoist the m'sail and set a watch....there be Pirates in these waters. Arrrrr!

I have a friend who is training to run in the Ironman Triathlon. You know the marathon where you ride a bike for 112 miles, swim in the ocean for 2.5 miles, then top it off with a full 26 mile marathon run. All in the same day. It takes 9-11 hours.

Sicko

The closest I'll ever get to doing that is wearing my Timex Iron Man watch.

My buddy is a nice enough guy, but I am convinced his mama dropped him somewhere along the line. On something HARD.

My idea of a real person marathon would be an uninterupted hour eating my wife's fabulous "Trissy chicken". Followed by a funny movie and returning to the table for an hours worth of Raspberry-Chocolate Truffle Cheese cake. Rubbing my belly a while then napping for two hours. Finally capping it off by repeating the process one more time before retiring for the night.

Now THAT is a MARATHON I could get behind.

Good Luck with your Triathlon my (nameless) sicko friend. I'm rooting for you as I relax here in the A/C.

If you see in the news over the next few days of a perfectly good house collapsing and trapping a couple inside that would be me.

The Carpenter bees have arrived. They are everywhere. Buzzin' about, drilling neat little round holes in every wooden surface. My deck rails were the first target of choice. I'd been told they would not chew into pressure treated wood. I guess the rail proved that wrong. Now they have attacked the window facing around the kitchen window. Yesterday I turned the water hose on one and I could just hear him in my mind as he went down. Little alarms going off "Mayday Mayday we're going in" . But as soon as he got out of the water stream he was back to normal.

I swatted several in the past couple days and plugged the holes. But they return within minutes. Spray doesn't work.

Hey maybe I could make a pact with the fire ants to provide protection.

Deep Thoughts # 7

# Why do we wait until a pig is dead to 'cure' it?

# Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

# Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are looking for something new?

# If went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' And she tells you, wouldn't that defeat the purpose?

# Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Deep Thoughts # 4

# I went for a walk last night and someone asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'

# Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?


# If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?


# Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a mouse?


# How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

# Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?

Blame The BCS Mess on Southwest Airlines

Southwest Airlines is the official airline of the Bowl Championship Series.

Those can see all watch Southwest ads during the Rose Bowl and Allstate Sugar Bowl on Jan. 1, the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl on Jan. 2 and the FedEx Orange Bowl on Jan. 3, and Southwest is also sponsoring the Orange Bowl's halftime show with ZZ Top.

Then there's the Allstate BCS Championship Game on Jan. 7, and Southwest says it "will also have a presence" there.

So it is their fault blame Southwest

Deep Thoughts # 3


# Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

# If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

# What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious?

Deep Thoughts # 2

• Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
• Do fish get cramps after eating?
• After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

Is this the daughter of Elvis or Elton John ?





Maybe Carol Channing

Sorry!! but you may be over 40 if you understand who that is.

Expand this !!

You Ring We Spring

I am not kidding that is the name of the bail bonding company O.J. used this time.
I can't make up stuff this good.

Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

That means today is our chance to say Arrrr and wear snappy outfits like Capt. Jack. So today it's time to show you inner swashbuckler

The whole idea of Talk Like A Pirate Day started as a joke between friends in the 90's. Then Dave Barry got involved with a story and it took off from there. Add in the success of the Pirate movies and here we are. With an International Talk Like a Pirate Day (TLAPD).

Ahoy mates, hoist the m'sail and set a watch....there be Pirates in these waters. Arrrrr!

what did they mean to say ??